After I was three years previous, I fell in love with the violin due to an unlikely duet between Itzhak Perlman and a grumpy inexperienced Muppet. Watching Perlman’s bow dance throughout the strings on Sesame Road, I used to be transfixed. I turned to my dad and mom and introduced with all of the gravity a toddler can muster, “I wish to try this.”
After months of pleading, they relented. That call did not simply set me on a musical path; it quietly solid my philosophy on pleasure, participation, and what it means to maintain a ardour alive for the lengthy haul.
I grew up in a big Irish Catholic household I’d lovingly describe as having “no expertise and no disgrace.” We sang off-key with fervor and staged wildly uncoordinated expertise exhibits each Thanksgiving. Whereas my classmates practiced scales with laser focus, eyeing the primary chair in elite orchestras, I performed jigs as a result of I appreciated the best way they felt. In my highschool orchestra, I sat deep within the second violin part, a world away from the concertmaster’s chair. I wasn’t one of the best participant—removed from it—however I liked the sound and being a part of a gaggle taking part in one thing lovely, collectively. That love saved me taking part in lengthy after others burned out chasing perfection.
After faculty, I drifted away from the inflexible traces of classical music and located my manner into the heat of people. Dimly lit pub classes changed formal live performance halls. In that world, you must hear—to the melody, to the room, to the particular person throughout from you—and discover your home within the collective sound. I did not have the quickest fingers or the flashiest solos, however I found one thing very important, I used to be an excellent second fiddle.
In people music, “second fiddle” isn’t a demotion; it’s an artwork kind. It’s the realm of concord, texture, and assist. It’s the work of singing richer without having to be the middle of gravity. With out sheet music to information you, you need to hear intently, reply in actual time, and improvise. It’s collaborative and intuitive—and, for me, much more satisfying than any solo.
Someplace alongside the best way, I additionally grew to become the one that began bands. Most not too long ago, I based the DC-based Irish people group Celtic Underground, however the spark was lit years earlier at Camp Lejeune. Whereas our husbands have been stationed there, I satisfied three different Marine wives on my avenue to affix me on my deck for some St. Patrick’s Day music. We lived in officer housing in a neighborhood referred to as Paradise Level, so we jokingly referred to as ourselves The Paradise Pints.
Our expertise have been ramshackle at greatest, however we ended up anchoring the neighborhood. The neighborhood of Marine officers did not notice they wanted an Irish pub band till they’d one. Earlier than lengthy, we had generals singing songs about whiskey on the Officers’ Membership on Friday nights. It has been greater than 5 years since I moved away, however the band I began on that entrance porch continues to be going sturdy with a complete new crew of Pints.
I did not begin these bands as a result of I had a grand imaginative and prescient or as a result of I used to be essentially the most proficient particular person within the room. I did it as a result of I needed to play music with individuals, for individuals (and, selfishly, if I began the band, nobody might reduce me). I set the tone, picked the tunes, and booked the gigs.
Most of the musicians I gathered have been terribly proficient—usually rather more so than me—however they have been busy adults with full lives. They have been dad and mom and professionals who weren’t going to spontaneously be a part of an Irish band until somebody made it straightforward and welcoming. When invited into one thing joyful and low-pressure, they mentioned sure. They have been pleased to improvise by means of a brand new tune or study the bodhrán by watching a YouTube video.
Even within the bands I led, I stayed within the supporting components. I performed second fiddle, sang harmonies, and sometimes moonlighted on the tin whistle. I gravitated towards the background not as a result of I lacked means, however as a result of that’s the place I added essentially the most worth. Musically, I wasn’t the star, however the band existed as a result of I made it exist.
I observed this sample repeating in essentially the most unlikely of locations: my skilled life. In that world, I used to be a planner, an overachiever, a list-maker. Up till final yr, I used to be a senior government on the Central Intelligence Company, doing onerous, complicated work and working a big workplace. I had a seat on the desk for key nationwide safety selections, the chance to journey the world, transient Presidents. For a very long time, I believed I used to be striving to be the primary violin—the concertmaster of a really completely different sort of orchestra.
But, as I replicate on that profession, I notice I used to be not often the neatest particular person within the room, nor the one with the deepest technical proficiency. I used to be “ok” on the core duties, however I by no means really stood out for my experience alone. I used to be “simply Meredith.” However I saved getting promoted.
It made me surprise: did I obtain what I did as a result of I adopted the principles and plowed by means of to-do lists? Or did the success come from the extra intangible issues? Simply as in a people session, I thrived as a result of I used to be the “pure glue.” I discovered pleasure in nerve-racking conditions, understood the altering dynamics of a room, and regarded for tactics to empower colleagues whose strengths differed from my very own. I introduced in proficient individuals to work for me after which allow them to shine. I targeted on making a outcome that was greater than the sum of its components, and I did it with out shedding the enjoyment or taking myself too severely.
Now, as a mom of three in my mid-forties, I play the fiddle a number of occasions every week. We tune up in dwelling rooms and Irish pubs round Washington, on small phases and at regional people festivals. Final yr, taking part in the Takoma Park People Pageant felt like my greatest profession spotlight of 2025—a metric that may have baffled my bold youthful self.
This yr, our band is recording our first album. We did not do it as a result of we all of the sudden felt “prepared” or discovered a surplus of additional time. We did it as a result of we put it on the calendar, booked the studio, and determined to make it occur.
We stay in a tradition that prizes being first: first place, first chair, first to talk. However many significant components of grownup life don’t disappear as a result of we aren’t “ok” to proceed. They disappear as a result of nobody makes room for them anymore.
Generally I take into consideration the concertmaster from my highschool orchestra—the virtuoso who practiced for hours every single day. I ponder if he nonetheless performs, or if music grew to become simply one other achievement to measure, one other obligation that ultimately fell away. I don’t know the reply. However I do know why I’m nonetheless right here.
Music stayed in my life as a result of I selected participation over perfection. I valued continuity and neighborhood over virtuosity. I used to be keen to start out one thing, present up persistently, and take a supporting position if that’s what saved the group going. I used to be by no means the flashiest participant, however many years later, I’m nonetheless right here—nonetheless discovering the enjoyment within the concord.
Second fiddle, it seems, was precisely the proper place to be.
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